Five Times Kurt Weller Wanted To Kiss Jane Doe (and the one time)
by MonkeyPajamas
Summary: And the one time he finally did. I'm going to assume the title is pretty self evident.


I don't own _Blindspot_, don't sue, blah blah blah. Thank you.

* * *

i.

He'd come too close to losing her again today. He couldn't fight that fear that kept rising in his chest whenever he thought about it. His job meant that he put his life on the line every day. But Jane – Jane was a victim. She was _Taylor_. He had to protect her, he'd failed her enough already.

Kurt couldn't forget the look in Carter's eyes at the cemetery; that cold, heartless glare as he negotiated with Mayfair, treating Jane and Dodi as pieces in a chess match. Except that Kurt knew that whoever went with the CIA wouldn't ever come back. And that was what scared him the most – they may have won today, but Carter wasn't the type to give up.

He offered to drive Jane back to her safe house himself. He couldn't let her go, not just yet. He knew that she could protect herself, probably better than he ever could. But, at the same time, he couldn't shake that feeling whenever he left her alone. She had faced too much in too short a time, it wouldn't hurt just to make sure she got home safely, not after a day like this.

"It's more for you than me," he said honestly. "I just wanna check out the new place. Make sure it's okay. Make sure you're okay." He turned to face her for the first time since they walked in.

"I'm fine, I... I was just a little… I'll be fine," she settled on. "I'm sorry I lost it today."

"It's okay. It happens." After all that she'd been through, she had every right. He started towards the door, not ready to leave, but not able to think of a reason to stay. "You've been through so much. And if I'm making this harder for you, then just tell me. 'Cause that's the last thing I want. All these expectations…I should have never put you in that situation."

He stepped closer, and suddenly he wasn't talking about today anymore. "I should have never let them take you. I'm… I'm sorry." All the pain and guilt for the past twenty five years started coming to the surface. He'd never grieved Taylor – after it happened, his fight turned inward, holding in the hatred and anger for years. But now, for the first time, the tears were threatening to flow as he stared into her eyes.

When Jane said that it wasn't his fault, he wanted to ignore it, same as he always had. But then she stepped closer, repeating it, and it was as if he was hearing it for the first time, and the weight started lifting. He was staring into her eyes and there was nothing else in the world.

"You told me Taylor was my starting point. I think you're wrong."

Her hand was warm and soft. As she laid his hand on her chest, he couldn't remember ever feeling this close to anyone before.

"You… you're my starting point."

The words washed over him, and her eyes were staring up at him, looking longingly at him, and when they flickered, he knew that she felt it also – the connection. All he wanted was to lean down, to close that gap, and bring his lips to hers.

All it took was a second, not even that, for the moment to end. He had to pull away. She was a victim, an asset. No matter what he felt, he couldn't act on it. It wasn't appropriate, especially not on a day like today. "I'll see you tomorrow," he turned, unable to look at her heartbroken expression for any longer.

She was safe. That's all that matters.

ii.

He would have gone alone. Before, that was exactly what would have happened. He would have taken the tracker, and Reade and Zapata would have dealt with Guerrero. That would give them the best change to get Guerrero out alive, no matter what the cost. There wouldn't have even been a question.

But Jane changed things.

The second Jane offered – pleaded – to go with him, Kurt froze. The tracker made him – and whoever was with him – a target. That's why he said he would be the one to take it in the first place. Kurt knew that Jane could handle herself in the field, that was exactly what he told Mayfair just days earlier. But this was different; it wasn't like getting caught in a gunfight while pursuing a lead. There were two options – the dangerous one, and the safe one. He wouldn't put any of his team in danger, and certainly not Jane.

He tried not to care as the flash of disappointment crossed her face. He wanted to explain, but at the same time, he couldn't. What would he say even? She's got stronger instincts than half the agents out of Quantico, and had saved his life more often than he did hers. The excuses were weak, but that didn't matter.

Zapata noticed, of course she did. In the few days that Jane had been around, their dynamic had shifted so much that it would be impossible not to. Kurt had made it clear that Jane was a part of their team, and rarely left her behind. He hadn't expected her to call him out on it though.

Jane was just an asset. No matter what Zapata tried to hint at. Sure, he might have known Taylor twenty five years ago, but he would protect any civilian. And Zapata had more training. Jane had the best instincts of anyone he knew, but she was a wild card. Just yesterday she had her holster in the wrong position. If that happened today, out here, that split second could mean the difference between life and death.

She was just an asset.

It wasn't until they got back to the air field and got Guerrero into custody that he had another moment to think about it. He was finishing the paperwork on Guerrero and Jane was hanging around, looking back at him as she walking towards the plane. Kurt remembered how she looked this morning, how scared she had been on the plane. There was none of that in the field, not even when she was piloting a helicopter.

He scribbled the rest of the information, shoving the paperwork into the field agent's hands. "Hey, Jane," he called, rushing to catch up to her. This morning, Mayfair's warning still fresh in his mind, he'd walked right past her, sitting next to Reade, going over the case details. He wouldn't do that this time.

"We're in this together."

He couldn't help but smile as he reached out for her hands. They may never know what happened to her in the past, but he couldn't help but smile at the woman she had become.

He scooted close to her after that, showing her pictures on his phone, telling stories about Sawyer's baseball game and when he first moved to the city. As long as he was talking, she was relaxed, the light turbulence barely noticeable. So he kept talking, pulling up memories and stories he had long forgotten about.

They were nearly back to the city when her head started dropping. "Uh… sorry," he started mumbling, suddenly embarrassed. But Jane didn't acknowledge him, her eyes already flickering sleepily. Before Kurt could even think about what to do next, he felt her head leaning against his shoulder. He froze. He couldn't wake her up – she must have been so tired. Besides, they would be landing in less than 30 minutes, might as well let her get some sleep while she could, right?

As he watched her sleeping, he couldn't stop thinking about that time a few days ago, when he almost kissed her in the safe house. He stopped himself then, but he'd be lying if he hadn't replayed that moment in his head. He was painfully aware how close she was now, that he wouldn't even have to really move, just twist a little bit, and he would be kissing her. Just a gentle one, on top of her head.

GRKZZZTZZZTZ

The pilot's radio cracked to life, preparing them for descent, and Jane's head shot up before she remembered where she was. She turned to Kurt, offering an apologetic smile as she straightened in her seat.

Kurt smiled for a moment then stopped as Zapata's words echoed in his head.

She was just an asset, _right_?

iii.

It was pure jealousy that caused him to push the security guy. Kurt tried to pass it off as playing the part (although if they weren't on a case, he knew there would be no stopping him – that sleazy guard would have gotten a lot worse than just a push), but he knew it was jealousy. He was supposed to be the husband, and that guy had touched Jane more intimately than he ever had.

Once they were inside, it was almost too easy to forget they were on a mission. She was inches away from him, and all he could think was how perfectly her body fit into his arms. Kurt had never been one for dancing – in fact the last time he could remember dancing at all was at a wedding years ago. His girlfriend at the time had dragged him on to the dance floor a few times, each time more reluctantly than the last.

But with Jane, it was different. Not only had he been the one to convince her to dance, but it was instinctual between them. There were no awkward steps as they tried to find the rhythm, no crushed toes when they stepped on each other's feet, it was as if their bodies' met and instantly knew how to move as one.

It was more intimate than he could have prepared himself for – seeing her just inches from him, their bodies moving rhythmically to the music. It was almost too easy to forget that they were on a mission.

Kurt noticed things he hadn't allowed himself to notice before. He'd always pictured her eyes as green, but they were really hazel. Every time he looked into those eyes, he felt as if he would get lost in them, they were so deep and full of emotion. Her skin was smooth, and he found himself gently moving his fingers over her hand just because he could. Her hair had a slightly fruity smell, one he tried to commit to memory, in case he never was able to get this close again.

Talking to her was easy, so easy that he almost laughed when he remembered what had happened with Allie. He'd cared for Allie, and he was glad to see her again. But compared to Jane – well, there was no comparison. They hadn't been the best at communicating that much was for sure. She was always trying to get him to open up, to talk and share his emotions. It never felt right with Allie. But with Jane, he wanted to talk to her. Maybe it was because so much of it was her history too, but he never felt any hesitation.

So when she admitted that she thought that she was engaged before, there was a pause as he tried to process what that meant. He knew she must have a past, somewhere she had been those 25 years. It wasn't unexpected that she would have fallen in love during that time. As an agent, he knew that could be a lead – another person who knew her, who could help solve the mystery of what happened. But as a man, he couldn't help but feel a tinge of – jealousy? that someone loved her and was planning on sharing his life with her.

"It all seems so far away from where I am now."

Kurt searched her eyes, getting lost in them once again. She was so beautiful, and he found himself leaning even closer to her. He wanted to – no he needed to – kiss her, to prove she was really here with him now. There might have been others in the past, but this was now and they were together.

"He's ready for you."

The moment broken, Kurt pulled away. They were there on a case. First and foremost, he was an FBI agent, and there was a job to be done.

iv.

Kurt took a deep breath. He knew what he had to do. If the plane kept climbing, those rockets would launch. And a lot more people would die. It was as simple as that.

Kurt never regretted his choice to be an FBI agent. And he knew that even if he wasn't an agent, if he was somehow in this same position, he wouldn't even hesitate. Sacrificing his life to save the millions at risk wasn't just his duty, it was who he was.

He only wished Jane wasn't on board also. He wished there was some way to protect her, as well as everyone else. He'd seen her panicked expression as she looked at him for a solution. Jane hadn't wanted to come. She'd never hesitated before today – the opposite, in fact. But now that David had died, Jane had learned the real cost of their job, the unescapable dangers of it. Through it all, though, Jane had counted on him to protect her, and no wonder. Kurt had promised it, that very first day. He told her that she would be okay, that they would find answers. She'd saved his life, and now he was ending hers.

"We've gotta do something."

Kurt couldn't even look at her when he replied. "One shot in the fuel tank. That'll cause an explosion big enough to bring this plane down." He grabbed her hand, afraid to let her go now that he'd spoken it out loud. "Jane, I'm sorry that I brought you here, alright? I chose this life, you didn't." He paused, staring into her eyes, the sadness evident in his voice. "You never had a choice."

"Yes, I did. Kurt – " she was staring at him with such utter conviction and certainty – and trust.

He hated that. Kurt almost wished she'd fight him. If she said "no," he wouldn't do it. He knew the greater good was what mattered – that two civilian losses were far better than untold causalities on the ground. But in that moment, he knew all that mattered was Jane. If she protested, even just for a moment, he didn't think he would be able to pull that trigger, no matter what the cost.

But Jane wasn't like that. She knew as well as him what would happen if the plane reached 60,000 feet. And she was willing to sacrifice herself, even though she was as much a victim as anyone else.

Kurt knew what he had to do. "I'm sorry," his voice was barely above a whisper. He had made the choice, but they both would live with the consequences. In that moment, he knew that wasn't going to let her go, not now, not when they only had moments left. He'd hold her hand; pull her close, anything to let her know she wasn't alone. He leaned forward, determined to kiss her one last time. They hadn't even gotten a chance to talk about what happened, but he knew he couldn't fire the shot without it. One last kiss, before they had to end it all.

"PA 921, this is Special Agent Patterson from the FBI New York Office, do you copy?"

v.

It felt so comfortable with her again. That was what he missed the most, he realized. How easy it was with her. He liked Allie, of course, but still, some times it felt like work. He wasn't trying enough, or he was trying too hard, or he said the wrong thing, or a million other things that just made it feel harder than he should.

Kurt had never cared before, or never really noticed this. Certainly not the last time they had gone out, or with any previous girlfriends. It was only since Jane he could tell the difference. Everything had just been so… easy with her. Since the beginning, he'd felt a connection; at first he assumed it was because of Taylor, but no, it was because she was Jane. It just felt right with her in a way that it never had with anyone else.

The two hour drive to Borden's cabin gave them plenty of alone time. It felt like just the two of them, and he felt closer to her than he had in weeks. The conversation just flowed, first they talked books (Kurt had accidentally left an audiobook in the CD player, which Jane instantly started teasing him about), music (Patterson had been trying to expand Jane's musical knowledge), and even nature (Kurt made a mental note to take Jane to Central Park, she was so enamored with the trees she saw along the road).

By the time they talked about kids, it felt like a natural flow of the conversation. Kurt had never seriously thought about having kids. His relationships never really lasted long enough to get to that point, and even the ones that did, it never came up. He liked hanging out with Sawyer, and although he gave his sister a hard time, he never really minded having babysitting duty. Kurt would take him to the park for a game of catch, telling jokes, stopping for ice cream on the way home. Sawyer's dad was across the country, and Kurt didn't want him to have the same crappy childhood he had.

But actually having kids himself, Kurt had never really given it serious thought. It just didn't seem like it was in the cards, and Kurt had made peace with it.

Or so he thought.

"I think you'd make a great dad. For what it's worth."

Kurt suddenly thought it was possible. Not just possible, he found he wanted it. The house, the yard, everything. He could even see the kids – playing catch, running around, being chased by a dog. They were happy, laughing, and it was more than he could have imagined. Then he noticed Jane – Jane was in his dream, ticking the little boy with her hazel eyes and his brown hair.

It felt more right than Kurt could have ever imagined.

He looked over at Jane, who was staring out the window again. He thought about what it would be like, if they were together. He imagined being able to grab her hand, holding it between the two of them as he drove. Maybe even pulling it closer, kissing it before dropping it back to the center console. He could almost hear their kids in the back – probably squabbling like him and Sarah used to do – but it still felt so full of love, it didn't bother him. Maybe he'd tell them the same stories about how him and Jane used to go out camping, teasing Jane about she liked to play with the fire.

Kurt glanced down at Jane's left hand, resting next to her as she looked ahead. How easy it would be, to just reach out and take it, intertwining their fingers together, just for this short time.

"Oh, turn here!" Jane's voice interrupted his thoughts. "We've gotta be getting close, Borden said it was only a few hours away, and we've been on the road for a while now."

"Oh yeah," Kurt mumbled, shaking the daydream from his head. "I think Borden said it was at the end of this road," he said as he turned. With one last glance over at Jane, he reminded himself they were on a case. This was no time for daydreams.

vi.

Kurt was exhausted by the end of the day. And what a day it had been – between his dad, Mayfair, Pellington, the case, and Jane…. He couldn't believe how close he'd come to losing her. When he saw her lying on the floor, his heart nearly stopped. His mind raced as instinct kicked in and started CPR. He couldn't focus on anything except for her, and he prayed that somehow she would be alright. As she came back with the first gasping breaths, he nearly collapsed in relief.

He heard her in the locker room as he shut his locker. He'd come to recognize her – she moved differently than the other agents. Her steps… lighter, the hesitation as she gathered things from her locker. Kurt knew this would be the last time. Pellington had made that clear. Jane was already sent to security as soon as they came back from the facility.

Kurt didn't know which was worse – losing Mayfair, or losing Jane. Mayfair had been his mentor for years. The fact that he would now be sitting in her office was inconceivable to him. But losing Jane – not seeing her smile in the morning, not seeing her determined face as they tracked down killers, or hearing her laugh, or a million other things he realized he had taken for granted.

It had only been a few months since Jane had come into his life, and already he didn't know how he was going to survive even one day without her.

"What am I supposed to do now?" she looked so lost. The same way she had those first days. "I mean, ever since I came out of that bag, I've woken up with a purpose. I come here. We save the world." Jane let out a halfhearted laugh. "Then I go home. But what do I do when I wake up tomorrow?"

Kurt chuckled. Little did she know he was thinking the exact same thing. "Whatever you want." He paused, realizing something. "Speaking of which… Now that we're not working together, that sort of means I can do this."

There was no hesitation when he stepped forward. He'd thought about this far too long, faced too many close calls, too many interruptions to let anything ruin this moment.

The taste of her lips nearly drove him mad. Her hand was on his neck, pulling her closer, urging him not to stop. As if he could have even thought about stopping. They had come so far, and he wasn't going to let anything change that. Even after they pulled apart to catch their breath, he couldn't resist kissing her forehead one last time.

Kurt couldn't stop smiling. No longer exhausted, he felt elated. Maybe he didn't know what tomorrow would bring, but, at least with Jane, he knew it would be alright.

* * *

Then some other stuff happened before it really would be alright between the two of them.

Anyway, I started writing this forever ago, then wrote nearly all of it in 3 days. Feels good to write and interact in this community again (even if it's about things that happened 3 years ago!)


End file.
